Thread: Can't fight this sadness... Anyone else?

Hello Burlesque beauties...
I'm just wondering if any of you are as lonely as i am right now?

Perhaps its the wine and the restlessness driving me to write this... but i just feel like talking to some people who might understand what i'm feeling right now.

I have so much to be happy about right now... there are always wonderful, amazing things happening in my life. But sometimes i just can't help but feel deeply sad underneath it all. My life is a roller coaster...and often things happen that affect me negatively.

I am cuddling the unfinished red dress my elder friend Marilyn was knitting for me before she died this weekend... she was like a grandmother to me.

Ontop of that, i'm just so sick of being so alone. I can honestly say, i don't think i have ever been loved by anyone but my mother. Sad but true. I have been single for a year... my boyfriend of two years before that was so neglectful...so i feel like i have been alone and single for longer then that.
I attract the worst kind of men (wolves)...and the ones i want to love or feel very drawn to are never interested in me. Or i'm either the other woman, or second best to another woman in his eyes.
I'm sick of hearing: But you're so beautiful! You're so talented! Havesn't he seen you perform Burlesque ?! You're so smart! Because that doesn't seem to have anything going for me.

I keep trying to convince myself that i dont need a man in my life. I shouldn't need a man to be happy, to feel worthy. But this has really been beating me down lately. I'm crying every night. I feel like i'm getting desperate. It drives me to want to be reckless and stupid.

How about you?... Do you think it's because we do what we do? We are not normal girls. Some people say i can be intimidating... but when i'm not on that stage, i'm just an out going girl who grew up by the ocean... Who maybe feels too much, and has alot of love to give, who wouldn't mind a guy who likes to take charge a little. And i'm not as confident as people think... i often wonder what is seriously flawed about me.

Do any of you ever feel this way? Please share your own thoughts and feelings.

Much love and peace... sorry this was such a long rant...

~Angela "la Muse" Senyshyn

WARNING

Warning: This is an Old Thread This discussion is older than 60 days. information contained in it may no longer be current

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so down at the moment, but someone you care deeply about has just died and that's bound to make you feel depressed and lonely. Don't feel the need to fight it - feeling sad is part of the human condition and sometimes the quickest way through it is not to fight but just to let yourself go with it.

As to the loneliness issue I can sympathise entirely being a perennial singleton. It's not a lot of fun a lot of the time - especially when you are the one gooseberry in a large crowd of happy couples. Friends will give you all sorts of advice and support but after a while you just can't help thinking "if I'm so wonderful how come no-one else can see it"!

I hope you feel a bit happier soon and run into the proverbial tall dark stranger while doing your next shopping run in Tesco

I know exactly how you feel, as of a few years ago I have no living family, I work from home so don't meet many people and the few I do, in general I don't find attractive, I did find someone a couple of years ago but these days she hardly talks to me and is often away.

What can I say there's obviously a lot of us lonely people out there, try not to let it get you down, I'm sure if you give it time someone will come along and cheer you up

Originally Posted by evildrneil

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so down at the moment, but someone you care deeply about has just died and that's bound to make you feel depressed and lonely.

I was very sad before my friends death...but the death obviously made things a bit worse.
I generally deal with death very well. But i have been stressing so much prior to this happening.

Thank you for trying to cheer me up...

It’s not unusual to feel melancholic even when so much is going well for you – the death of a close friend is bound to sadden you – that has set you in a mood swing towards thinking of all the things that haven’t worked out or gone well for you, which helps to make you feel worse – a dysfunctional relationship with your last boyfriend – the positive thing there is that you are free from him and free to move on with your life – your feeling that no one ever loved you but your mother – true in your perception of the situation but probably not literally true – I’m sue you have lots of admirers, friends, possibly even some who love you but don’t show it – you will, as a talented beautiful burlesque performer undoubtedly attract wolves – there are men who like the kudos of the company of a girl who dances exotically (to the point of seduction rather than just admiring and appreciating the shows) but not all men are predators like that - that you haven’t had a relationship for a year isn’t necessarily a bad thing and I’m sure you won’t be dammed to spinsterhood – you just want to be sure the next guy in your life isn’t another wolf – don’t be afraid to tell any guy to take a hike if he shows such tendencies but don’t be afraid to consider the rest of the male population
You say you are not normal girls – referring to burlesque dancers overall – good – what’s normal anyway? There’s no such thing – normal suggests average, safe, middle of the road – you are talented high achievers – that you are willing to show your vulnerable human side here makes you all the more extra-ordinary –
Yes, you are the out-going lady who lives by the ocean – outgoing as in bold enough to go places and perform and be with the people you want to be with – those who find you intimidating may be thinking of your stage persona, the fearless dancer dropping clothes and inhibitions to rapturous applause and adulation – they fear that because they wouldn’t do it, they’d be scared – you were brave enough to overcome that fear and you can tap into the same bravery to lift you free from your melancholy when it has run its natural course – you are not ‘seriously flawed’ you are going through a crisis of faith – by that I mean faith in yourself and that self-doubt is perfectly natural – you have a lot more confidence in you than you think right now – cry if you wish as it’s a good way to clean out your emotions – you’ll be fine and you will know love again – take care xx

I'm sorry to hear you feel this way. I just wanted to say you are not alone, although it feels like it.

It is not uncommon for people like us who are willing to take risks an don't settle for mediocrity to feel this way. The flip side of having the life you have just described is that it can be a very lonely one.

I obviously don't know you but you seem like a smart beautiful girl. However it does not make you immune to horrible relationships or bad things from happening to you.

I have been where you are, I was in a very destructive relationship for 6 years. This left me a shell of my former self and it took me long time get to where I am now.

All I can say is that now I have met lovely man is very caring and without going into too much detail, is more than willing to take charge.

Having put my career on hold for long time, I am now getting back into the swing of things.

I hope that this gives you some hope that things can and will turn around for you.

Be good to yourself and don't be to hard on yourself .


xxx

You are most definately not alone sweetie

I am sure as has been said there a lot of people who love and care for you they just dont show it too often

I have had a terrible year so far and feel very much as you do...i dont really have any friends where i live when i left uni and decided to return to my home town i left them all behind and it can be easy to forget how much i mean to them when i dont see them often. Also money worries means i cannot travel to see them and i have spent the last couple of months trying to get my business of the ground and i have spent many a night crying myself to sleep.

As for men i understand how you feel i left my long term partner last year (we are now back together) and i hated being single after a month i was getting myself into a right mess in my quest for a new man and even though i am now back with my boyfriend and i love him dearly i still feel lonely very often i often feel it even when i have a house full

Its good to have a good cry and let your feelings out

sending lots of love to you :love:

i do know exactly how depression can hit you, and am in the throes of post natal depression right now and have been since my son was born sixm0onths ago, manh many people would be very surprised to read this as i have over the years developed an extrremely good front...ive suffered with mental health problems as far back as i can remember, maybe stemming form my family and childhood i dont know...problems with a skinny lovely wee sister as opposed to the chunky frumpy me...bullying dad,mum who favored sister..blah blah blah...moved on into several very short term relationships and ending up with a serious relationship with a monster...pregnant at 18 to him then leaving him at age 20 pregnant again...my own self issues only grew and grew coss of him and then spending 11 years as a single mum to my 2 girls never helped much either...some days were easier than others but i made the mistake of beating up on myself most of the time when i felt i wasnt coping...making everything harder and worse. i finally got some help in the form of a reiki master who helped me a lot, it came along at the right time for me to get rid of loads of past issues...step one!!!

so, moving on from there i basically built upmy self confidence which still isnt very high mind you, and feeling good about being me to the point where i didnt feel i needed a man to make me happy...i started doing things just for me and started enjoying life again, then out of the blue i met a super chap who is really the love of my life...we have gone on to have two more children together and we love each other very much...all in the relationship is perfect...however....i still suffer horribly from depression, i guess im just prone to it...i have to learn again to be happy to be me...and thats the key.

no matter how super your life is, how perfect everything seems to be going, how much everyone else says they would love to be you if you dont love yourself and are happy to be yourself then that black dog of depression will alwys be hanging round your heels.

sweetheart all i can say is take it a day at a time, try not to be hard on yourself treat yourself kindly and nicely and how you would like others to treat you...value who you are and believe that you are so very loved and important to many many people...when you can truly believe in your own self worth and beauty inner and outer, then you will find that things click into place...sometimes we have to work on ourselves a little in order to get to where we need to be, and i can say that for mysef i wouldnt ever have attracted my partner iff i hadnt been through the crap that ive been through to get me to where i am now...was it all worth it???? yes it was but somedays its easier to see than others....darling hang in there you arent alone at all and if you would like to please do pm me for a chat...sometimes offloading is enough to get you on the right track...thinking of you. ann,xxx
:love::love:

Wow, i still have a hard time navigating the new MOB and i had lost track of this old thread.
I didn't realize how many people has responded and thank you for your deep and kind thoughts and opinions.
I just needed to hear others knew how i'm feeling, it helps me stay strong knowing we are not alone in this battle.

I was pretty depressed when i wrote that (and also had quite a bit of wine!), right now i'm doing better, but still feeling that pinch of loneliness. I am currently dating a guy who treats me really well, and is a take charge kind of guy but also very giving...shocking, i know! May i add he speaks french and latin fluently?
Where it will go? I'm not sure, something tells me it may not pan out for various reasons, but right now i am enjoying myself and my time with him.

Sending all my love back to those who shared there thoughts with me. Thank you!

~La Muse

Sweets, Don't be sad... you have many friends here in the virtual world. It sucks at time being a performer because we are always on the go, and when we stop... we instantly feel depressed and lonely.

Plan something for yourself! Make changes to make you happy! Wine will definately make one sad. Pamper yourself! And email me if you ever need something even if it is just to chat.

Virtual Hugs,
Jacqueline Hyde
look@jacquelinehyde.com