Thread: Why can't I 'feel' sexy?

Ladies of the Burlesque World....help me!

I just can not seem to see myself as my husband sees me

My husband loves me so much and is the kind of caring, considerate, handsome and attentive man I always dreamed of meeting but at the moment our sex life is going through a a real downer because I just don't feel attractive and sexy. I do come home from tired from work, my job can be stressful the kids can be all consumming but none of that stops me from wanting our sex life to be the way it used to be BUT I just don't feel SEXY!!!

My husband buys me beautiful clothes and I won't wear them, tells me everyday how much he loves me and how beautiful I am but it just seems to have no effect....

Have any of you ever felt like this? How did you overcome it?

:help:

WARNING

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There's no easy way out of this for you, but I do know that it's you that has to initiate the move that will kick start it.
There are some wonderful Mum's on this forum, ladies who will feel what you feel, I am not experienced enough, nor do I have children, but I do want you to know that I care. Here's a link that may help,
Ten Ways To Feel Sexy Again | Relationships | SmartMomma
Thinking of you, and just you wait until those Mum's get online, they will help you, I promise.

Thank you for the web link. I should clarify, the kids are my stepchildren (Girl aged 8 and boy aged 5) and they are lovely and cute and cuddly.

As for initiating...thats is where part of the problem lies. Because I don't feel 'sexy' and attractive I find that hard to do at the moment.

I am looking forward to all those Mum's reading this thread

Big hugs :hug: :hug: :hug:

Sorry I cant really offer any advice-being single and having no kids- but I know what its like to feel down so am sending some cyber hugs your way!

Just remember your husband clearly loves and adores you, it'll just take time but things WILL get better :yes:
Axx

I have felt like this for about 5 years, my interest in bedroom activities disappeared about 6 months after getting together with my husband. I think it was when I went on the pill & put on weight. I stopped taking the pill for 2 years and it didn't help (with the weight or the libido).

We had a lot of relationship problems stemming from our differing sex drives. In 2005 I was diagnosed with depression & I found out he was having cyber-sex with other women online. I felt betrayed and hurt, and I felt as though he had physically cheated on me. Earlier this year I found out he did physically cheat on me, at about that time. (We'd been married 6 months when I found out). We'd had arguments where I mentioned something about him and he dropped out "well I don't find your body sexy any more"

I lost weight before our wedding last year and started to feel a bit confident. I had a "boudoir" style photo shoot to give to him as a wedding present & I enjoyed posing in front of the camera. My friend was the photographer & he suggested I have a go at modelling. I thought he was just flattering me though.

It was my 30th birthday this year and I decided to have another shoot to treat myself. I couldn't afford to pay for a shoot as we are on a debt management plan at the moment, so I found an amateur photographer who was local to me. He suggested I should have a go at modelling too..

So I put up a profile on one of the modelling sites & I have been doing a bit here & there since May this year. It has helped me with my confidence & I am (was) feeling quite a bit sexier. (Until recently as I've put on a bit more weight and I'm looking at my podgy belly thinking "ugh" ) :worried: Hubby has been around for shoots & has seen some of my photos and he has been a lot more attentive - he can't keep his hands off me.

Things have improved a little in the bedroom department, he still initiates it most of the time but I don't turn him down as much. I still rarely even think about it but I don't feel completely repulsed by the idea when it is suggested.

I thought we could do with seeing a counsellor but he isn't as keen. So I don't know - maybe my situation is similar to yours... I might've completely got the wrong end of the stick though.

Thanks Amethyst :hug: Big hug coming back you way!

The hugs are appreciated It will take time and I know that I can not be the only woman to have felt like this. I just need some help to get out of this mess I have gotten into and it will be nice to hear how others managed it.

Big hugs from me, too!!! :hug:

I don't know how much this will help, since I have no kids and all, but when I feel unattractive, I have some time only for myself. I take a shower, polish my nails, put on some make-up and perfume and gorgeous clothes... You're telling that your husband buys you nice clothes, so perhaps wearing them would help at least a little bit?

Thanks so much Violet Ecstasy :hug: - your photo looks FAB by the way!!

It was really interesting to read your post - I too am turning 30 this year and, even though I'm really looking forward to it (made a lot of bad choices in my 20s...) I wonder if subconsciously that does have something to do with it. I also have this natural 'put everyone else first' tendency which means I don't often feel happy in myself and it has a knock on effect with hubby. I was turned down for a couple of jobs that I went for earlier on in the year and I work in a really cliquey field and I think it has affected me to know that people are most likely gossiping behind my back at how bad they thought I was, I haven't told hubby but it's been pretty difficult lately to keep holding my head high.

I don't think I'm depressed, (suffered from it my 20s though) I guess I just feel as though life is so huge at the moment and there's not much time for me but then when there is time for me I just feel immense guilt at any self indulgence lol!

Really helped a lot to know someone else has been through it, thank you SO much.

Thanks Christina Champagne :hug:

I am going to treat myself to a long, hot bubble bath I think, and paint my nails after tea. He has bought me pretty things but I tend to look at them at think , 'that's really nice so I'll save it for something special' and then never end up wearing it! Perhaps a nice dress might be in order after my bath rather than my attractive brown fluffy dressing gown and slippers lol!

I know I have to take the first step, it's just so hard!!!

Miss T - one thing I've learned since joining MoB is: Don't save nice things for special!!!

Wear those nice things at every opportunity and start treating yourself (as the commercial says LOL!) because you're worth it

I know MoB is *not* the answer to everything, but I've found that being in a community where one of the main aims is on being body confident (regardless of your actual size - skinny or voluptuous) has been an incredible help.

You need to start feeling good about yourself - take the small luxuries - painting your nails, wearing high heels to do the hoovering, sporting a real or silk flower ANYWHERE on your personage....these things make you feel nice.

And feeling nice is a good place to start loving yourself. And when you love yourself, you'll start believing that your hubby does too

AliX