I'm feeling very curious and have wanted to ask this question or a while, so now I'm going to ask it and hope that enough of you are feeling sufficiently congruent and thus able to answer the question.

What was your worst performance ever?
What made your performance the worst ever?
What did you learn from the experience?
Did you have friends, partner, family or audience say you were fantastic and how did that make you feel?

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Silk Stocking Striptease Show

Good question! I've not done many performances (a grand total of 3 actually, haha) but I do feel like my last performance was proper dodge!

My act was a broken robot that sheds it's broken parts (i.e. my clothes) in order to move more freely. I've been thinking about the act for a while, so I was really excited to have an opportunity to give it a bash.

It went wrong for so many reasons... for a start I'd only just had a knee operation so though I could walk I could really dance properly and though I knew what dance steps I wanted to do, I hadn't really been able to practice them let only perfect them!

Then I'd not given myself enough time to make my costume and though I'd done 80% of the work and had a costume that did the job, it actually looked pretty shabby and nowhere near as good quality as I would've liked. And again, as I'd not had time/been able to practice I wasn't used to taking off all my various clothes (especially my trousers, which didn't undo properly on the night)

So my fault really as I was a bit too ambitious, I should've just gone for an easier act that I'd already done. But hey, you live you learn. Hopefully next time it'll go better!

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Sacré bleu! Qu'est-ce que c'est? Ceci est Miss Très Ooh La La!

My stupid fan dance to True Colours by Cyndi Lauper. Lovely song....but I forgot my costume so had to improvise with some modeling clothes from earlier in the day. But rather than have the guts to go all out and wear pasties and panties...I wore what can only be discribed as a bright white full girdle. WHAT WAS I THINK?!!!

I forgot it all...every step and even the words to the song! AAAHHH The nerves got to me. My darkest moment on stage.

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Khandie Khisses On MySpace
Khandie Khisses

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, mine I try very hard to keep to the back of my mind!!! It was AWEFUL!! I lierally DIED a thousand deaths in the hour I was "on"! Here I was, all dressed up in the cowboy kit, two gun rig, boots, spurs, big hat, stupid fancy/frilly shirt, the works. Now, I had done this act before, several times before!! Both by my self and with three or four other cowboys.................Hmmmmmm, I had better explain. Between 1976 and 1979 I was not just a memebr of a C&W band, I was also part of a travelling Western "re-enactment group who went aroud the area showing what it was "really" like in the 1870's to be a cowboy. Right, back to deaths on stages. The venue was the Abatone Resteraunt in Cumbernauld June 1979, I have got a one hour gig in front of 250 seated eaters of nosh, no band, no music, just me and a mic. No matter what I did or said no bugger even cracked a grin, they all sat with arms folded and looking at each other or talking to each other. Even when I did the usual "Now ladies, who would love to shoot their other half hmmmmm?" bit, as normally three or four woman would get up and I would put a gun belt on them and make a great deal of fuss about kneeling in front of their crotches and tying the holster down as far up their leg as I could get away with................No bugger stood up....... No bugger even said "no". Normally when I did the "And this how Matt Dillon drew his gun and this is how John Wayne" etc and so forth..........NOTHING, not even a glimmer or a smile or nod or look of interest!

Suffice as to say, I was a wee bit like the dog in the car advert that sings? "At the start I was giving it "I'M A MAN YES I AM, YES I AM" then from about a third of the way in till the end It was "yes I am, yes i am and i cannt help but"

When I finished the buggers didn't even applaud once!

I misread the title then! thought it said worst performer ever!!

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www.dollydelash.co.uk

I wouldn't dare post a thread like that on a forum as civilised as the MoB; that would be my worst performance ever as a human being!

To me this thread is about bravery, honesty and growth. Those who share their worst performances ever are accepting that sometimes things go wrong, but they are being honest with themselves and us, and for that they deserve respect. Also some may learn from others mistakes and not find themselves in nightmare situations because of this thread.

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Silk Stocking Striptease Show

I know thats why it shocked me untill I read it LOL - Check out the time tho it was a late one after getting back from the Pitty Patt Club!

I Think any performer who can admitt they are human and things dont't always go to plan need a big pat on the back as this is the best way to learn and go forward. I have sat in the audience when things have gone wrong for a leading lady and my heart went out to her - not only from a performance point of view but I am sure that she really hurt herself; she took the attitude that the show must go on and the audience really warmed to that - she got a standing ovation.

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www.dollydelash.co.uk

A recent fan dance performance. Two seconds before I went on stage I stepped in a patch of water in my bare feet and desperately tried to rub at all off before I had to dance, in case I slipped over. Whilst dancing, a huge hank of hair flew across my face and hooked itself there, so I had to try to surreptitiously move it away so I could see and be seen - whilst holding a four foot wide feather fan. I forgot one of my steps, which was purely down to accumulated stress as I can do that dance in my sleep. Then my pastie broke - one of the crystal drapes lost contact with the pastie itself and was hanging loose for the rest of the performance. I struggled through to the end and cursed myself backstage. And yes, friends did try to tell me I did well, and it was extremely irritating. I knew it had been disastrous, I knew the audeince had seen it be disastrous, I didn't need to be lied to. It didn't make me feel any better, which was the intention - but it's a misguided intention. Eventually, after being told it had gone well once too often, I snapped at the OH for some honesty, and was finally told 'yes, it went wrong, and we could see you weren't enjoying yourself'. I didn't learn any big lessons from that performance - just to check the condition of my costumes thoroughly before performing, to keep my hair back from my face, to check the stage is dry, and to try to look like I'm having a good time even when I'm not, which is probably the most useful and valuable bit of performance knowledge I've gained - and the hardest to carry out!

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Terry Pratchett to Fleur - "Oh, are you the cleavage lady?"
Visit me - www.badflower.co.uk

My worst had to be in Doncaster for Lost Vagueness. My backing track was all fine through the rehearsal but once the audience got in, and were chatting, buying drinks etc. the backing music was so quiet I couldnt hear it. I was trying to sing a song, in french, which I only knew the words well enough to sing under perfect conditions. So i had to battle on through, making up the words, hoping i wasnt singing in the wrong key and at the wrong time. Still, i got through it, and i learned to always ask for a monitor. Although there I couldnt have one anywhere cos they didnt have enough cable apparently.

Still, it teaches me to learn the words backwards before I try and sing a song. There were french people watching and i felt very embarrased with my 'uh ha la ooh la oui' approximation of french.

Worst was the zip broke on my dress trapping me inside and i had to rip the fabric to get out, and then slipping with a knife and hitting my boob instead of feathers.
bruised and scratched and soar and not a happy bunny.

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Happy Happy Joy Joy