Your children and where do they fit into what we do ?

Ava Garter · #1 (**permalink**) 09-22-2008, 10:02 PM

O.k. everybody , here's the question:

How much should your kids see? How much of your wonderful hobby should they actually know about or be involved in? It's a sticky subject really. I think that everyone will have serious opinions on this one and I just wanted to open the topic but it doesn't mean that we who are parents have to follow the advice given , it just means that we are interested in hearing about what others are doing in their households around the world.

I have two little ones. One boy who is 7 and a half and a girl who is 3 and a half. Although they know that mommy is a professional showgirl / dancer , they don't really know or understand the whole thing about what my show entails , ie: clothing removal down to the pasties. ( Or at least I think they don't ) They are so used to being surrounded by a houseful of rhinestones and glitter and have even signed the UPS boxes for feather deliveries! Our dining room table is a work space for new costuming and for shoe rhinestoning. Once when opening a shoebox of new Christian Louboutin's my son said to me , " Mom you can't wear those in your show... those are 4 inches and you only wear 5 inches ." HE WAS RIGHT!!!! I sent them back and ordered the other heel height .
My children have never seen me rehearse , they only hear about me going to rehearsal (constantly) . They do see me try on and off my costumes all of the time. They see me dress up before every performance or photo shoot every week when I am "becoming" Ava Garter.
I just asked my son this:
Is there a difference between mommy and Ava Garter ? And he said "No , not really" ... "Thats just the way you always were". Awwwwwwwwww so cute

I love him.
But I want to raise him right and not over sexualized or overstimulated by stuff he shouldn't see .
But then again, even the greats like GYPSY and SALLY RAND had children who saw and traveled with their single moms and grew up proud of their mothers .

SO .... my question is to all of you, what is going on out in your house's ? How do you do it? Im also not afraid of criticism, I have a strong backbone so whatever.
Putting yourself out there is ten times better then sitting and asking nothing right?
xo
Ava Garter

chaoskitty · #2 (**permalink**) 09-22-2008, 10:52 PM

I'm not a performer, but I'm a parent and if I were a performer I'd be happy for my son to know about it. Aside from the fact that he's the most fabric and sparkle obsessed one year old and would just love all that bling, I don't see the point in hiding things. Children will find out what they want to know anyway.

Obviously there is a certain amount of age appropriate editing in what anyone chooses to share at any stage with their child about anything(especially when they're at the repeat absolutely everything that you say stage!). Your son's relaxed observation about your performance side being part of who you are just shows how well children take things in their stride, it's we adults who get all het up about things like this. To most small children their mum dancing with fans at the weekend is not much different to someone elses mum working in a supermarket (albeit with more glittery stuff, though supermarket mums probably get free cakes which is possibly more attractive to the average child!)

From your description it sounds like you have the balance between what they know and what they don't, that you and they are comfortable with. Plus I should think that part of the reason the children of Sally Rand et al grew up proud, and well adjusted is because they were brought up by these confident capable woman, with careers that took bravery in the face of small mindedness, not in spite of.

x

miserabelle · #3 (**permalink**) 09-22-2008, 10:56 PM

I think you're doing just fine - I don't think that children really need to be protected, if there are things that you might think they're not old enough to experience or learn about then just... don't mention them, if they find out and are curious then it's not the end of the world, and I think that the best thing to do is be frank and mature about your explanation. Keeping a subject secret or taboo is bound to make them more excited about it.

I remember asking the dreaded "what's sex?" question when I was a wee one, and my mum explained to me in pretty clinical, simple terms and I didn't think any more of it. If she'd have flustered or told me that I wasn't old enough to know then I would have made darned sure that I found out and made a much bigger deal out of it than was needed.

xx

tempest devyne · #4 (**permalink**) 09-23-2008, 08:23 AM

My two are 11 and 6 and know that Mum is into burlesque but don't quite know what that totally entails.

The Simpsons episode where Bart works at Maison Derriere was a huge help in their education hahaha. From what they talk about I think they think burlesque is akin to sexy showgirl dancing...with the taking off of gloves. But I don't think they know about it going any further than that...and anyway if the eldest did she'd say that was 'gross!' - she hasn't quite come to terms with the naked female body and that's fine with me at the mo, providing she knows that all shapes and sizes are beautiful, a message we do ram home with them.

I don't think in a house as small as mine I'd be able to hide making my costumes, sewing on sequins, hiding the loose feathers etc. It's been a nice way of involving them - they tell me whether things look good on not (though I don't always listen to them....they're both great High School Musical and Hannah Montana fans) but they love sparkle as much as I do. They love watching dancing on tv and variety shows too and come up with stunning (if wacky) ideas.

They know that I do shimmies (and it is quite funny having shimmy offs....Mummy's boobies (in bra) always win).

The one thing they don't know yet is my burlesque name...which I am trying to keep from them although they haven't asked yet. The simple reason behind this is that it's the name I also use for fetish work and that isn't suitable for them to know about. From answering their questions about relationships and for the older one, sex education I know they wouldn't be able to understand the fetish photos I have taken and that it would worry them. This is one I'm going to have to think about because I don't find anything wrong with fetish/bdsm for consenting adults but they are going to have to be considerably more mature before they have the capacity to understand....and anyway I'm not telling until they ask....

Warren · #5 (**permalink**) 09-23-2008, 08:29 AM

My daughters are 14 and 12.

They've seen me on TV (and even been on TV with me), they've seen me in national magazines and local newspapers.

All in burlesque kind of settings.

They've been to some of the shows that I run too, but only to see the set up, not the show.

My 14yr old thinks its cool - my 12yr old dies of embarrassment!

Funny thing is I reckon my 12yr old is likely to end up onstage in some form or other herself.

I havent told em I do fetish shows tho

x

Moonlight Desire · #6 (**permalink**) 09-23-2008, 08:32 AM

I have 2 boys aged 11 and 8 and they no nothing except mummy makes costumes, I think they'd be fine but their father would turn it into something horrific!

Kittie · #7 (**permalink**) 09-23-2008, 08:52 AM

I'd suggest that happy children are those with happy and confident parents. If being a showgirl makes you happy then there is no taboo here as far as I can see...

Miss Jubilee Swoon · #8 (**permalink**) 09-23-2008, 09:50 AM

Yup I have three kids all under 10 yrs and they all know and are really supportive. My daughter is particularly good at giving advice and not pulling any punches.

When one of their grandparents asked the eldest two what they were going to be when they grew up, my daughter replied 'a sailor' because she wanted to do the sailor's hornpipe on a daily basis and my son replied without batting an eyelid 'I'm going to do boylesque.' Poor old grandad looked horrified.

Emerald_Ace · #9 (**permalink**) 09-23-2008, 03:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss Jubilee Swoon

my son replied without batting an eyelid 'I'm going to do boylesque.' Poor old grandad looked horrified.

I'm not really a kids person at all but i think that's the cutest thing i ever heard!

heathersweet · #10 (**permalink**) 09-23-2008, 04:46 PM

bless his cottons, i don't have kinder myself but friends that do seem to have a very happy balance between the two. I don't think being exposed to burlesque would make a boy over sexualized, there's much more sexually graphic and explicit stuff in the general media and advertising. He'll be fine.
After all Ziegfields mom did the same and he turned out altight.