Going public ...

Fleur du Mal · #1 (**permalink**) 09-06-2007, 05:16 PM

I know this topic has come up again and again, but I could do with some advice. I'm (hopefully) taking part in a major event in my home city next month, which will be fabulous for me as it will be lots of publicity, both for me and for burlesque in general. The local paper may even want to interview me - but therein lies the problem ...

My family, as of yet, don't know I do burlesque. They know I like it, but not how much, and I'm not sure how to tell them without making them think I'm a lapdancer. it's mainly my mother I'm worried about - she's always been more disapproving towards me than my siblings - for instance, my sister wears a miniskirt at 16 and is just following fashion, I wear a miniskirt at 22 and I'm showing too much flesh. Plus I remember the look on her face when she found out Dita was a stripper - it wasn't happy! Anyone got any tips on how to break it to her before the paper comes out? I thought about showing her the Faking It with Scarlet and Immodesty to show her how inspirational I found it, but she's a bit of a body fascist and I don't hink I could cope with listening to her making comments on Immodesty's figure instead of taking notice. Maybe I should just tell my dad and leave it to him to break it to her!

And what about my job? I work in a public facing job where the way I look is important, and I'm not sure they'll take too kindly to the punters knowing I dance about with very little on in my spare time. I can cope with the boss teasing, which he undoubtedly would, and with my workmates' comments (I know at least one will see it, if it happens) - although it would be hard if the girls turn on me as I predict - but where do I stand rights-wise? As far as I know, if I'm not getting paid it doesn't count as a second job, so I see it as being no different to being part of an am-dram group. But what if they take offence? Could I end up losing my job? Not that I'd object too much, of course ...

Anyone got any thoughts? Any of you performers been in similar positions and can advise?

Selena Lix · #2 (**permalink**) 09-06-2007, 07:02 PM

any help would indeed be appreciated. ill be a medical professional and am a little concerned about any publicity in case the employers take offence and call me unprofessional and not client orientated

Bella Sicilia · #3 (**permalink**) 09-06-2007, 07:28 PM

This is a tricky situation Fleur.

I was a lap/pole dancer for 4 years (am currently taking a break from it) and my family never found out about it... if they had then I dread to think how they would have reacted. Even though I was happy to do it and my friends were supportive, I just don't think that my family would have been happy about it and never had the guts to tell them.

I think that this is a generational thing and also remember that you are their 'little girl' and they will probably have alsorts of images flashing in their heads of what burlesque involves.

However, burlesque is something completely different to lap dancing. It is more of an art. A style of entertainment that covers a wide area. Maybe it would be a good idea to show your mum that video of Faking It? Like you said, it is very inspirational and shows how down to earth and non-seedy the world of burlesque is. This is what I plan to do with my mum if I get to a point where I start performing. It's no fun sneaking around and lying believe me!

I would definately sit down with your parents and tell them before it is in the paper as that could make their reaction worse if they hear it from another source.

With regards to your work. I don't not think that they can do anything as if you are not getting paid then you can clearly state that this is your 'hobby' and no different to ameture dramatics. What you do out of work is in your own time and nothing to do with them. You may find that some of your colleagues are a bit bitchy but then again they might think that what you are doing is brilliant and be supportive! However your colleagues react, you must stand proud and let it be known that you believe in what you do and are not ashamed... this way any Bitching Brenda's will soon get bored and move on to the next bit of gossip.

I had a full time job when i first started pole dancing and rumours did slip out about what I was doing after hours. My coleagues (mostly female) did make life a bit difficult for me at work but I just held my head up high and ignoored them (afterall, they have an anual trip to see the Centurians male strip group so they are in no position to judge!)They soon got bored and moved on to the next poor soul.

I hope this helps. Pease let us know how you get on.

C Xxx

PS: Maybe go down the lines ofthat burlesque being about what you don't reveal... put emphasis on the removal of gloves, stocking etc and that there is not much actual nudity?

Fleur du Mal · #4 (**permalink**) 09-06-2007, 07:42 PM

Thanks Bella! It's good to know that people have been in the same position. It's on of those things where you know you're not the first - but it helps to be reminded!

I'll definitely let you all know how I get on. Maybe some dutch courage first ...

Does anyone know where I could get a copy of Faking It? For once my man's downloading skills have let us down

Bella Sicilia · #5 (**permalink**) 09-06-2007, 08:18 PM

Have you tried youtube? Not sure what the quality would be like?

Fleur du Mal · #6 (**permalink**) 09-06-2007, 08:23 PM

Yep, tried youtube - you can get clips of the performances, but not the whole show

Bella Sicilia · #7 (**permalink**) 09-06-2007, 08:43 PM

dang... erm... not sure... lemme ask my t'other alf if he knows of any sites.

LillyBee · #8 (**permalink**) 09-06-2007, 09:43 PM

there is no shame in burlesque- it's all about celebration! so celebrate who you are and represent yourself in the same manner! Your parents will get over it sooner or later, but at least you will have been honest with them.

Midnight Blue · #9 (**permalink**) 09-07-2007, 07:07 AM

I've found the fact that my parents know nothing about burlesque has been quite a blessing. They only know whatever I've told them. It may all come come by me in the bum sometime when they hear something else, but I'm a singer anyway so they'd hopefully only be disapproving of the 'scene' I'm hanging around with.

Best tip I think is definitely to get in their first with your version of things.

And, as for the actual interview itself. Be prepared with your own definitions of burly, etc. Any local paper journalists are likely to know absolutely nothing about burly, and could well have preconceived ideas if they think they do. You don't want an interview that makes you sound solely like a stripper if you've spent a while convincing your mum thats not all there is to it. One I had before Christmas stated me as 'a self confessed cabaret singer', nothing wrong in it really only I felt like I'd divulged some dirty secret.

They are renowned for misquoting or oddly quoting generally. So just be prepared for that side of things, but enjoy the publicity that comes with it. Makes sure you get your performance name and contact details in the interview, they generally don't mind.

As for work though. If this job and interview goes well, would you not be looking to get paid gigs? The part-time work issue will need to be addressed at some point if you do

Keri -x-

Fleur du Mal · #10 (**permalink**) 09-07-2007, 07:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LillyBee

there is no shame in burlesque- it's all about celebration! so celebrate who you are and represent yourself in the same manner! Your parents will get over it sooner or later, but at least you will have been honest with them.

LOL I'm not ashamed - far from it! If anyone asks me about it I'll be honest with them. But thanks for the reassurance x

Quote:

Originally Posted by Midnight Blue

as for the actual interview itself. Be prepared with your own definitions of burly, etc. Any local paper journalists are likely to know absolutely nothing about burly, and could well have preconceived ideas if they think they do. You don't want an interview that makes you sound solely like a stripper if you've spent a while convincing your mum thats not all there is to it. One I had before Christmas stated me as 'a self confessed cabaret singer', nothing wrong in it really only I felt like I'd divulged some dirty secret.

They are renowned for misquoting or oddly quoting generally. So just be prepared for that side of things, but enjoy the publicity that comes with it. Makes sure you get your performance name and contact details in the interview, they generally don't mind.

Thnaks for the advice on this one Keri - I've been thinking about it and have been trying to work out what I would say if they asked me what burlesque was. I think I may need to reread some of Miss Kittie Klaw's articles on the subject, as well as working out my own definition.

Jeez, all this stress and I bet it never even happens!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Midnight Blue

As for work though. If this job and interview goes well, would you not be looking to get paid gigs? The part-time work issue will need to be addressed at some point if you do

Hell yeah! If at any point I start getting paid gigs, I'll go part time straight away! I'm already looking for a new job anyway. I was just worried about whether or not they had any way of making my life difficult (i.e. firing me or trying to stop me performing). I don't fancy being called in to see the big boss if there's any way he can ... I just want to know what my rights are, if you know what I mean