Thread: Ever Been Used...In The Burlesque Sense?

Have you ever been used by another performer to get ahead?
Did you stand up to them?
How did it go down?

The reason I ask is that a performer recently used my name when applying for a job as in 'Khandie Khisses recommends me'. Now whilst I know this person and have performed with them my name has NO sway nor clout behind it in my opinion I am merely a small fish in an ocean.

But then it got me thinking how this certain performer often quizzed me for information on shows etc and I wondered if perhaps this performer was gleening information. Then other things popped up other things that spanked more and more of advantage taking. Such as belated performance payments and asking for reduced fees as we are mates....we are all guilty of some things but the biscuit was when I took this performer to a show as a guest and they told the promoter they could do a better job than me! When I had video shoots they want to come along, with some of my photo shoots they want to come, want me to put in good words for them at shows/photoshoots/costumiers etc

I have yet to confront this performer as I want to maintain a professional relationship. Has anyone else experienced this sort of thing?

I like to think I am pretty easy going and a nice person but to be used has left a rather nasty taste in my mouth.

I get that business and friendship doesnt mix but I havent used this person for such things and despite knowing supposedly influenical people I have yet to ask favours such as this.

WARNING

Warning: This is an Old Thread This discussion is older than 60 days. information contained in it may no longer be current

It does sound like this person is been a bit of a user. As a new performer myself I have asked my teacher and friends who do burlesque for help or advise with all sorts of things and they have been wonderful about the whole situation. After all I've found one of the best way to learn is to look at those already in the field. However I would never take advantage of them and always try to help them in return whether it be maiding for their shows or just attending events they put on.
If this woman is using your friendship to be late/not pay for things properly then that is just not on and is disrepectful. Maybe you should try talking to her as she may not even realise how much she is offending you. If she doesn't listen to what you have to say then just try to distance yourself from her.
Hope you get things sorted

Hi sweets! I am more than happy to offer advice etc though admittedly after this past experience I have wondered if it a good thing...though I quickly changed my mind.

I was asking the question as have you ever been used etc.

I like your input though.xxx

Ah sorry yeah I get what you mean I hope I don't ever get used but I suppose you will always get a few bad apples out to spoil it for all the other lovely people out there :s xxx

Yes and I felt dirty afterwards, but they gave me a Bacon sandwich and I felt better. Oh wait I didn't read all of that.

It's a difficult one, as you have to tread the line between being a good friend and being treated like a doormat.

If she's the type of person who uses people to get ahead then confronting her will probably do more harm than good.

If it were me, I'd just stop doing favours for her. Promoters et al can spot someone trying to bask in someone elses spotlight a mile off anyway so it probably hasn't done her any good. Try and take some comfort in that

x

Eeek. Are you definately sure they said they could do a better job than you? Comments can change as they get delievered through the grape vine. Seems a very ungrateful thing to say. However, as i've learned in the past year, it's a very two-faced industry.

It's best if performers are careful to inform promoters they can ask "this list of people" for a reference of their performance rather than to say "So-and-so recommends me". So easy to get the message wrong!

Originally Posted by Ginger La Rouge

If it were me, I'd just stop doing favours for her. Promoters et al can spot someone trying to bask in someone elses spotlight a mile off anyway so it probably hasn't done her any good. Try and take some comfort in that

x

Totally agree with what Ginger has said! they will be outed my lovely. its called Karma =D

xx

Not Burlesque but, had one chap tell a potential client that knew me as a magician that I had said he was really good as a way of name dropping, what I HAD said was "Yeah, not bad mate, keep practicing the trick." The guy had ONE card trick he showed everyone that would listen/watch and wanted to earn £75 an hour doing table magic in restaruants in London.

On a few occasions new performers have asked me for advice on where I get gigs, how I approach them, how I meet photographers and all that stuff, and I have gone out of my way to help, especially when I was running Sugar Fix and people were doing their debuts there, that was sort of the point of it all. However, I began to notice a pattern wherein they were super nice to me when new and getting information off me, and once they had done a few gigs, hanging out with "bigger fish" they went sort of cold, a bit aloof, sometimes even making little putty downy comments etc. This always hurt and puzzled me! I wasnt sure if it was because they were trying to assert their new importance by being off with someone who had seen them when they were new, or what. I want to be an open and friendly person and help people where I can, but I am never sure what kind of follow up reaction I will get!