Thread: Being Outspoken: Need V Cost

In my day to day life, I'm definitely an Ostrich. This is because I hate confrontation but it has the bonus, I find, of appearing to rise above it and leaves the other party feeling quite "flat" that their malicious behaviour has had no effect.

I've seen proof of this when I stumbled across a message from a girl spreading rumours about me. She was most displeased that she'd had no reaction.

I'm a bit of a mixture, if I hear things are being said about me then I'll try to "clear my name" as calmly as I can with whoever brings the rumour to my attention. I hate being misrepresented by people or misunderstood. Hopefully that way they'll be able to do the rest of the work for me to an extent.

If someone challenges me more directly, I'm not afraid to shout them down if I know I'm in the right - I've spent too long being too shy and too scared to give an opinion... if I need to make myself heard then I will. It doesn't always paint me in the best light, but I hate to be walked over.

So far I've not had to deal with this professionally, but I hope if I do then I'll be able to be a bit more measured and restained - I know how these things can affect business if you handle them badly. xx

I am definately an Ostrich! I hate confrontation. Ironically, it was my desire to avoid confrontation that caused the person who spread the rumour to fall out with me!
I have gradually found that I trusted certain individuals enough to talk about what was going on but I am definintely very cautious about who I talk to about these things. I met one performer (who I now know is very good friends with this person) who kept asking me for information about why we fell out. She may have just been making conversation but I got a distinct feeling that she was trying to find out what line I was taking on the issue of the rumour and what I was telling people about it (possibly to relay back to its originator). I decided to play dumb and gave her minimal information. 'We were friends, we fell out, I think I could have handled X better, I think she took it that way' and left it at that, acting as though I didn't know anything about any rumours. I feel like I dodged a bullet there because if I had mentioned about this rumour it would probably have got back to her and would only have made things worse.

In my mind I think I would like to be someone who discreetly confronts the person causing the problem head-on but I know I am not assertive and robust enough to do that in general and in that specific situation I definitely could not have done as I always found that this person was someone I could not say no to, let alone argue/assert myself with.