... my own body disgusts me. Since having this damn operation my self confidence has plummeted. It wasn't particularly high in the first place, but the incisions on my tummy don't help. Having my stitches out has made me feel quite a bit better, but my scars seem twice as big as they should because of the leftover redness and tight tissue where they were. Add to this that my tummy is swollen so I look several months pregnant. And that the treatment I was on before the op was hormone based, so I put on a lot of weight in a very short time, and just appear to be gaining more. Now it's not the weight that bothers me, it's quite nice to be a bit curvier - and I have got what I wished for since being a flat-chested 15 year old and have gone up a few bra sizes (am now a C cup - SCORE!!). It's the stretch marks that I'm only discovering now that have obviously been there for a while. I mean, why now? Why am I only noticing now? Why do I have to spot them when I'm already worrying about scarring and bloating and all the rest? And I'm a worrier - I'm worried about completely irrational things, like my incisions popping open when I cough, or getting an infection, or about whether one will ever heal! Being stuck in the house all day is no good, and nor is the fact that I still can't be on my feet for more than about ten minutes without getting all dizzy. If I had my way I'd be doing important things like rehearsing routines, but I can't do much other than sit around and worry irrationally.

Help me out here people! I'm not looking for sympathy, I know I just need to get better and then there are things I can do about the appearance, but how do I stop this worrying? I'm going to be stuck doing very little activity for a little while yet, by the looks of things - one small operation but it hit me HARD - and I can't stand being stuck in my own head. I need a distraction!

AAARRGH I needed to rant!

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Terry Pratchett to Fleur - "Oh, are you the cleavage lady?"
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