most important of all, NERVES ARE GOOD. they mean that you care about what you are doing. a little bit of nervous energy can make the difference between a lacklustre performance and a magical one. so first of all, don't be down on yourself for being nervous. accept, and even congratulate yourself for your nerves.

now, obviously the kind of nerves that leave you a quivering wreck are no help to a performer. they get in the way of the execution of the act. so, the following are all worth trying:

1. have a JD. or similar. yes, have a drink. just ONE. NEVER more than one. sip it. drink it slowly. drink it with friends. enjoy it. tell yourself why you're doing it - to take the shake away, to loosen you up. it will work. BUT ONLY ONE! any more than one (or ANY kind of drug) will only take your edge away and throw your timing off.

2. think of somebody you HATE. think of someone whose guts who really hate. your boss. an ex. whatever. focus on them. this only works for some people, but it can focus you and turn your nerves into power. visualise them just as your nerves are starting to get the better of you. this sounds nuts, but for some people it really works. dunno why!

2b. just remembered - PUNCH SOMETHING (not someone). do something physically demanding, like punching a bag, doing a lot of karate kicks. twenty push-ups is a very good one. this burns up excess energy and releases endorphins. i've used this with students and it works wonders especially for blokes.

3. go over your routine in your head. you can act it out, if there is enough room. otherwise, just do it in your mind. IMPORTANT: visualise yourself in the 'first person' - i.e. see from inside your own head, feeling your own physical sensations. try not to see yourself from the outside (as if you were a member of the audience). seeing yourself from the inside out will focus your attention better. feel your body go through the routine.

4. if you are a nervous performer, make sure you rehearse. and rehearse. and rehearse. rehearse, in fact, until you are utterly bored with rehearsing. and then rehearse some MORE. rehearse until you know it all backwards, and then keep rehearsing until you forget it all and start to screw it up (and you will!), and then rehearse even more until you remember it all over again. at this point you will be so in command of the routine that it will be second nature and you will find your nerves greatly lessened.

5. visualise the routine (which, of course, you know backwards, see 4.) working from the inside out. now, take it further. see the crowd, avidly attentive. see them smile, laugh, clap, cheer. see them go nuts! visualise the experience and feel how much you enjoy it.

6. always focus on your enjoyment. the essence of performance is joy. tell yourself that even though you are nervous now, afterwards, you will be elated.

7. find a friendly face. connect to someone in that audience, and use that connection to steady you. there is always someone who will be delighted to receive your attention. and vice versa.

8. a lot of nervousness stems from a habit of imagining what can go wrong. so balance this out by imagining what can go right (see 5, above). and remember, if you are really well rehearsed, if something does go wrong, 99% of the time you will be able to handle it and even make it part of the act. accidents and screw-ups throw us as performers only if we aren't sufficiently in command of what we're doing. sometimes the fuck up is actually the thing that gives you your finest moment!

9. remind yourself of the following VERY IMPORTANT THINGS:

(a) everyone is nervous. the greatest performers in the world get nerves. some experienced performers still throw up before every show. it's not the worst thing in the world.
(b) the audience WANT you to succeed. they are not judging you or hoping you will fail. they've paid good money for the show and this means that they have an investment. they expect a return. it's pure psychology (this, incidentally, is why corporate party audiences are such inattentive f*ckers. they haven't paid for anything, so they feel entitled to behave however they please).
(c) 99% of those people are amazed at you for even doing it in the first place. most people would rather swim with sharks than speak in public, let alone dance, strip, tell jokes, do backflips, or whatever.

10. finally, and perhaps most importantly (as Ms Dusk has already said) have a good laugh. laugh at yourself for being such a nervous loon. even a nervous laugh is good. laughter releases physical tensions and creates chemicals in the brain which reduce anxiety. get someone to flash their tits/willy or tell a stupid joke. (James is usually quite good for these).

sorry this is such a long posting, but i thought some of this might be useful.

now, can someone please explain to me how to get boys to like me?

xx

dL